I am very active on Facebook and have built up a good set of Facebook friends through my interests in the Liberal Democrats, and also my love of humour. Indeed, I even have my own Facebook comedy group that unlike many groups is not there just to post jokes and cartoons, but I see it as a rolling sit com.
So whilst I have a good band of people who love my jokes and humour and also share my love of politics and the Liberal Democrats (plus some in other parties or none!), they may feel that they know me quite well. And yes that is true in many respects. However, I do not have any family members on Facebook and so I am happy to post what I like, without fear of someone in the family telling me "you shouldn't have said that".
On Facebook, I project a very outgoing persona, but if the same Facebook friends were to sit back and say what they know about me personally, they wouldn't really know that much about me.
On my wall, I do not say I am away for the week-end. I rarely mention my family. I dont say when I am going out, or even anything about relationships. I guess there is the side of me that I am happy to share with everyone, but there is also the private side of me and I like to protect that side of me, I guess some people are just happy to tell the whole world, their inner most thoughts about their life and their family. That is not me.
Anything I do want to tell Facebook friends, I do that in private messages.
I don't think I have told anyone on my wall that my ex-wife had died and how I was feeling. This is why I am writing this piece. To lay some ghosts to rest, I suppose.
I can honestly say that from the day I met Ann at an SDP meeting on 4th March 1987, I knew that she would outlive me. Ann may have been 19 years older than me (I was 27 at that time), but I first met Ann's family at her gran's funeral, a month later. She died at 101. Ann's mother died just 4 years ago at the age of 100, so it was obvious that Ann would make it 3 in a row.
Well, Ann and I divorced 5 years ago. Not my choice, I hasten to add. Not my decision either!
So I lost the only woman who I had truly loved through divorce, but fortunately, we somehow managed to rebuild the relationship and we remained very good friends, often having long chats on the phone and I would take Randolf (our dog) to stay with her in the Fens and then at her house she got in Caerphilly.
About 3 years ago, Ann was diagnosed at having a tumour in her left eye and I must admit, I have never met someone who was so positive, as she had to have it removed. Indeed the false eye was such a good match, I could never remember which eye it was and I would forget it. Ann just carried on living her life in a positive manner. As she said.... she was alive.
About a year ago, she went for her regular testing and was told that there were 19 small cysts on her liver. I was told that she would be taking a trial drug as treatment that had good results and some chemotherapy. As they had caught it early, I was told that whilst she'd have a fight, the chances are that it would ultimately be successful and she would live to fight another day.
I last saw her in earlyt September and we went to Sainsbury's in Thornhill, Cardiff. We loved to have a coffee there and then do the shopping. I thought Ann looked so good and positive, that I got my Blackberry out and took 2 photos. Those were to be the last photos I took and about 11 weeks later, she had died. The cancer had won.
After seeing Ann, she had a falling out with me because of a Sky box that she had given me to give to my Aunt. There was a problem and Ann promised to resolve it with Sky. The next thing was I got a text from Ann saying she didn't want any more communication with me.
Well, if you knew Ann, I took that as another of her funny moods and they were when we were going through the divorce. So I accepted her wish and didn't make any contact and I did truly find it difficult to manage without her being there at the end of the phone.
It was only on the Wednesday in late November that I received a message via Facebook from her eldest son, to contact him, did I know that something was up. It was just a matter of time. She had known for months, but she had kept it from me as she knew how it would upset me.
I think it was 9am on the Sunday 25th November, and Ann died peacefully at the new hospital in Ystrad Mynach.
What made it easier for me to accept was that:-
- Ann wanted to be back in Wales. She was. She had over a year in Caerphilly and enjoyed living there.
- She wanted to be near her 3 children and she was. They were all there at the end.
- and she had made it clear in all the years that I knew her that she didn't want to be here if she had no quality of life. She didnt want to spend years rattling with tablets, in an old people's home.
I have called this blog laying ghosts to rest as I am now trying to move on with my life. I was pretty crap at divorce and I had lost Ann to that.
Now, I had lost Ann a second time...... to death. Something I had NEVER even contemplated as I knew that the female longevity in her family and the fact that the male line in my family seemed to be lucky to get to 70.
I have now lost Ann twice in a matter of 5 years. Firstly to divorce and secondly to the most final means possible.....death.
I will write more in time, as I want to write down my thoughts to tell my side of things. I miss her considerably as she is not there at the end of the phone to talk to.
If I had known Christmas 2011 was to be her last, would it have been as quiet as it was as I spent it with her in Caerphilly?
Ann was very private and that is why I havent broadcast it on my Facebook. But I have felt years of hurt since the divorce and months since she died, so I hope by opening up on a few blogs, I can move on by making my feelings, public. I always loved her and still cannot understand how she was taken so early.
The evils of cancer.
Ann so loved her writing and I hope that she will understand why I am now writing about her. More will follow in due course. Below, is the link to the Wiltshire Times, that published a lovely article on her. The photo is the best of the 2 that I took in September 2012, in Sainsburys, Thornhill.
In memory of Ann. Born 7th March 1940. Died 25th November 2012. Aged 72.
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